Grandma

I remember the feel of your hands-
reaching out to fix my watch
or adjust my sleeve so it was just right

Your fingers
with pale pink nails
to match the rosiness of your cheeks
and contrast the beautiful snowy white of your hair

The smile on your face
revealed that deep inside you understood what was going on
yet because of an illness somehow could not express
your thoughts and emotions

The way you enjoyed
dancing
going for walks
watching soap operas
all the simple things in life that younger people take for granted

The way in which you touched my soul
by singing a song
by looking at me-
your eyes that shouted "please help me"
those beautiful blue eyes that eventually became your communication
when words had long ago ceased

The lessons your life taught me
lessons of patience
of frustration
of family
of love

The indescribable grief I faced when you died
your last breath

The knowledge
that you would not sing Happy Birthday when I turned 18
or see me graduate
or be there to share my joy when I married the man of my dreams

The regret for all the times I should have been there for you
and I failed
for the impatience I showed
when you had trouble eating, dressing, walking

The sadness of knowing I would never again be able to hug you
to smile at you
to dance with you

But the knowledge that no matter where in life I am
I can always cherish the memories I had with you
I will always love you.


Kristen Green

©2001

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